5 Reasons to Make Her Your Girlfriend

So you have been seeing a girl for a while and she poses the question, “What are we?” Now before you rush to answer you should know a few things. Women like to have clear definitions when it comes to relationships. Men don’t really care for the definitions, they care more about what is actually going on between themselves and the girl they are pursuing. Relationships can be scary, great, or any adjective you want really. People have the tendency to close themselves off from relationships, “I am focusing on doing me,” “I just want to have fun.” In a relationship you should be able to, “do you,” and it should definitely be fun. Here are 5 reasons you should shut up already and make her your girlfriend.

1. She has her own life – In relationships a girl should be part of your life, not all of your life and vice versa. There is nothing more unattractive than a woman who considers you the best thing going on in her life. You may be awesome, but she shouldn’t put her life on hold for you. A woman who has her own ambitions and goals that she is striving towards is very attractive. Her having her own life, friends, and goals allows for you to have your own life. This is the part of the relationship that still allows both of you to, “do you.” Being with someone who has the same mindset can make for a much smoother relationship.

2. She is Drama Free – I love HBO, they produce some great television shows. What I enjoy about these TV shows is that the drama is happening to someone else other than me. Unnecessary drama just creates unnecessary stress. Lets not be naive, every girl has baggage, it’s just a matter of what girls baggage you can carry comfortably. Finding a girl who doesn’t get mad about everything you do, or read into every text you send is the key. This section could have been named, “make sure she’s not crazy as fuck,” but that would have been pretty self-explanatory.

3. She can handle your friends – This might be the most important reason to make her your girlfriend. You don’t want to have to keep your girlfriend separate from your friends. You want to be able to have both in the same room and not fear WWIII breaking out. A girl who can get along with your friends is probably cool enough to date. You also have to make sure that she can handle her alcohol at the club. Just when you think a girl is girlfriend material, she can get ruin it all by being a drunk mess hanging off of everyone. Make sure you hold her hand if she holds her liquor.

4.She is confident in and out of the bedroom – Every single person has insecurities and in a relationship it is your job to help the other person get over theirs. A woman that doesn’t second guess herself when she speaks, stands up for herself, and knows what she wants out of her life is very attractive. If your girl can carry that confidence into the bedroom you have hit the lottery. An assertive woman who is comfortable with her body allows for a fun and healthy relationship.

5.She is into you, not into what you can give her – She may look pretty, she may smell great, she may be dressed to the 9’s all the time, but most importantly she may just want your money. I am talking about girls that do nothing but take from a relationship. Finding a girl who is attracted to you because you are awesome is what you want, not because you drive a nice car. The girl who’s into you is the one that doesn’t care where you go for dates because you’re going to have fun doing whatever. The girl who’s into what you can give her will not have fun unless there are $ signs everywhere. Make sure she is a sweet heart and not a materialistic Barbie.

Next time she asks you, “What are we?’ You should have an answer!


High School Sweet Hearts to College Enemies

I was told once, friends can become lovers, but lovers can never become friends.

It’s high school, you’ve just entered you first real relationship and its great! You walk around the school together at lunch, sneak around your parents house just to get to 2nd base, basically  living out any teenage movie of your choosing. You talk on the phone for hours (adults don’t have time to talk on the phone for 4 hours about nothing), You have sex (you both suck at it) and you sit in each others arms talking about how great it’s going to be in college/university.

The part you forgot to mention was, how great university is going to be without the other person. When you are in highschool you are forced to be in the same building as your girlfriend for 6 hours a day. This makes seeing each other mandatory and therefore easy. Once you get into the first semester of university you try to take similar classes, and hangout together as much as possible, but the fact of the matter is you’re becoming different people. Maybe she likes to study and you are just discovering the greatness that is beerpong, or maybe you are the loyal boyfriend and she is loving all the new attention she is getting from 3rd and 4th years. The plan is never to have a monumental breakup, but shit happens right.

Spring comes and after a questionable reading week that you both spent at different cottages/cabins/parties the relationship is in question. The usual line is something like, “I feel like I don’t know anything else and I need to experience that.” AKA – I want to have sex with other people or, “I feel like if we are ment for each other it will happen down the road,” AKA – I want to have sex with other people.

If the breakup goes sour and you share mutual friends…Buckle up, because the he say, she say is about to errupt. Once you both delete each others numbers and remove each other as FB friends you may think the cleanse is finished. You’re wrong! You still have the awkward moment where you see them with their new partner. All you want to know is that you’re beating them, at whatever messed up game you are playing. You will act like everything in your life is the greatest thing ever, and its never been better. You may think that you could possibly be friends again but that is only going to lead to awkward situation where one of you goes for a drunken kiss or you end up hooking up. The morning of awkwardness to follow is sure to be entertaining to say the least.

The fact of life is everyone has one that got away and everyone has one that they hate. Hopefully they aren’t the same person.

The Never Ending Relationship You shouldn’t Be In

How comfortable is being comfortable?

You may have been dating for 6 months or 6 years, but the relationship has turned into nothing but bickering and constant fighting. These fights are usually followed by extreme highs. This is what one of my friends coined as, “Relationship Heroin.” It’s just a metaphor to show that you will put up with almost any bullshit to get back to the emotional high with your significant other. This can be okay if the highs outweigh the lows, and the highs happen a lot more than the lows. However, in reality most people continually take it on the chin until they get dumped by the person treating them poorly.

There comes a breaking point with relationships where logic has to trump emotion. The feelings for someone can be so strong that they act as blinders. How wrapped up you have gotten into one person has blinded you from what is actually acceptable behaviour or not. You said you’d never date a smoker, and now you are sucking face with someone who smokes 2 packs a day. You said that you wouldn’t play games and now you are in the bottom of the 9th with 2 out facing a full count. Why? What is so special about this person? In reality they are probably pretty average, you have just taken all the good qualities and blown them out of proportion. They may have been nice before, they may know some of your deepest secrets and they might get along with your parents, but they treat you like shit. Or there is the vice versa, they treat you amazing, but they are up on serious felony charges, unemployed, or clinically insane. Pick your poison. Maybe it’s time to be single for a bit? Yes you got along great with this person at one point, and you may be scared you won’t find that compatibility with anyone else. The truth is he/she is just a girl/guy and there are a lot of good people walking around who will probably be better for you.

It amazes me to see the amount of people who stay in a relationship just for the sake of it. They hold onto how things were when the relationship was all sunshine and smiles. Now its pissing rain out, lightning is coming from the sky as if Zeus was hurling it himself and they are still there thinking about the sunshine. Get out of the storm, dry out your clothes and look forward to a better sunrise.


The First Date

Maybe it was the club, maybe it was through friends, shit maybe it was through plentyoffish.com. Wherever you met, you’ve talked enough to work yourself into a first date…Lucky you. That part was easy, when you were in the club you were drunk in an environment where it’s conducive to meeting people. When you were introduced as friends there was no pressure and you had your friend making you out to be a “stud,” or a “sweetheart.” When you were online you had time to think out the perfect response to every question that made you seem interested but not desperate. This is all in the past now, and you are at the first date.

There is added pressure and value put into the first date. For the first time, two people who partied together, hung out in a group of friends, or chatted online are now going to dedicate an hour or two of time to each other. What to wear? How to do your hair? What will we do? Will they like me? All of these questions can be very daunting. A lot of the time its just easier for you to make up some excuse not to hang out. It’s not that you don’t like the person, it’s just that a date seems like a giant production, but is it really? Most people equate a first date to something they saw out of a movie or the bachelor. This isn’t real life, and a night packed with extravagance will probably scare the shit out of the other person. If you take a girl to the CN tower for dinner and wine, then proceed to sing a song to her, chances are she’s going to try and find a way to jump out of that giant tower. When you met this person you weren’t out in an extravagent settting, it was probably on a sweaty dance floor or at some boring christmas party. You weren’t worried about what you  were wearing, how your hair was or what your next move was. They are going to hang out with you so pick out a shirt, do your hair how you normally do it and go have a good time. Why don’t you go for something normal, this excludes going to the movies. Movies are for people already in a relationship and have ran out of things to talk about. Go to a coffee shop, go for icecream, shit just go for a walk in the city. It doesn’t matter what you do, either you are going to click or not. The second guessing is all for not. You got that person to agree to the first date, that means they like you. It is your job to not to anything weird or creepy, just carry the conversation and move on to date #2. When it comes down to it, it’s just two people hanging out. Why do you have to make it more than it is?

Good luck on Date 2.


The Real Hangover


With the release of Hangover 2 over the past weekend and me being hungover on monday morning I decided to write on real hangovers, which tend to be way less comical.

Your alarm goes off, someone slams the door, or the dreaded sunshine creeps its way into your room. This is how it begins, you are awake laying in your bed and you already have a crucial decision to make: do you get up, grab a cup of water and goto the washroom…or do you go back to sleep because not only are you tired, but the room is spinning and it helps to close your eyes. This will be one of several decisions you will have to make as your hangover continues. The next is to look at your phone and make sure you didn’t do anything stupid. The vulnerablility that washes over you as you check your text inbox is immense. As you finish you realize you didn’t send anything stupid and the satisfaction of small victory is visible on your face. The face fades though, only as your headache gets worse. You head to the kitchen/living room where you see your equally as hungover roommates and you begin to piece together the night. You thought everything went relatively well once you first woke up, then you remember being at a burrito place after the bar singing disney showtoons at the top of your lungs. This performance maybe the highlight of the night, but then something else comes to light. You remind your roommate of the stripper pole that he worked like it was his job. He’s praying to god no pictures surface and you are hoping for the opposite.

After a gatorade each, you and your roommates are ready to face the sun, the city and any surprises that lay in the way between you and Mcdonalds. This journey usually includes running into someone who partied with you the night before and they always have another story to add…”Man it was crazy, when you all took your shirts off and were dancing on stage.'” Ya I guess crazy is one adjective to use to describe that. By now you all have mentioned that you are going to take some time off of drinking and do something to clean up your lives. This is a short lived phenomena as by next friday you will find a way to celebrate something.

The nights that start off as casual social outings where nothing crazy is planned do usually turn into the wildest. The wildest nights often end up leading to the worst mornings. The hangover displays all of your battle wounds. It may be a bad tattoo, a piercing, a large amount of text messages to an ex. Whatever your drunk self did, know that they did it with all the right drunk intentions. 

Embrace the hangover because nobody tells the stories when they’re older of the nights that they got a lot of sleep.



Winner of the Week May 4th Edition


Enemy at the Gates

You are doing great, nothing is stopping you tonight. Woops, I spoke to soon, because the smooth talking was all for nothing. The pretty girl you were interested in is gone. Sometimes it is your own fault, but about half the time there are extenuating circumstances that really kill your night.

Best Friend Who is a Dude – This guy needs to watch band of brothers and learn some bro code. He is best friends with the girl you are interested in and he makes sure that his opinion is always heard. It is simple, she trusts him, he hates you. He has secretly loved the girl since the beginning of their friendship. This love will cause him to bad-talk you and make you out to be the son of Satan. You cannot slip up around this guy, make any dirty jokes and you are finished. Ladies beware if you have this friend and he’s straight, he will make a grand gesture sooner or later spilling his guts about how he’s always liked you. Don’t let me tell you, “I told you so.”

Guy with a guitar “Cmon, play us a song!!” He blushes, then says, “Ahh no I can’t,” the girls at the party still push him for a song. He eventually gives in and proceeds not to sing one song, but his hour-long set of original tracks. Not only as this guy mesmerized the girl you were interested in, he’s mesmerized all of you guy friends aswell. Now you have no girl and no friends and all that magic you practiced has gone to waste.

Crazy ex-boyfriend/girlfriend- I believe most people have the ability to forgive. Ex’s do not fall under the category of most people. Love is blind; Rage is blind, deaf, and cold. You are over her, she thinks she’s over you. However, the next time she sees you talking to someone, the rage comes out in full effect. Shes crying, yelling the weirdest shit ever and the new girl you are talking to doesn’t want to be your ex’s next murder victim. She heads into the witness protection program.  Now you are stuck listening to your ex ramble and as she screams, you only hear the words, “Fuck……Dick….Asshole,” and your mind wonders to a place she did not intend to take you to. Night over, you lose.

Toxic Tom- Toxic tom is your roommate that doesn’t believe in personal hygiene. You and your beautiful date decide to have a romantic evening in. This is put to a halt by the aroma that is vibrating out of Toms room. His disgusting smell has migrated throughout the house. Your date is probably disgusted, and if she’s not she’s probably disgusting herself.

that time of the month- enough said.

Mother Hen- The mother hen is the most commonly encountered cockblock on the face of the earth. The mother hen is found predominantly in bars watching over her group of friends. She is not out to have a good time, she’s out on a mission. That mission is to make sure that none of her friends have a good time. She says things like, “We came together, and We’re leaving together.” There are several methods to disarm the mother hen, most of them involving edible goods. A late night trip to McDonald’s may be all she needs to accept you into the pack.