Enemy at the Gates

You are doing great, nothing is stopping you tonight. Woops, I spoke to soon, because the smooth talking was all for nothing. The pretty girl you were interested in is gone. Sometimes it is your own fault, but about half the time there are extenuating circumstances that really kill your night.

Best Friend Who is a Dude – This guy needs to watch band of brothers and learn some bro code. He is best friends with the girl you are interested in and he makes sure that his opinion is always heard. It is simple, she trusts him, he hates you. He has secretly loved the girl since the beginning of their friendship. This love will cause him to bad-talk you and make you out to be the son of Satan. You cannot slip up around this guy, make any dirty jokes and you are finished. Ladies beware if you have this friend and he’s straight, he will make a grand gesture sooner or later spilling his guts about how he’s always liked you. Don’t let me tell you, “I told you so.”

Guy with a guitar “Cmon, play us a song!!” He blushes, then says, “Ahh no I can’t,” the girls at the party still push him for a song. He eventually gives in and proceeds not to sing one song, but his hour-long set of original tracks. Not only as this guy mesmerized the girl you were interested in, he’s mesmerized all of you guy friends aswell. Now you have no girl and no friends and all that magic you practiced has gone to waste.

Crazy ex-boyfriend/girlfriend- I believe most people have the ability to forgive. Ex’s do not fall under the category of most people. Love is blind; Rage is blind, deaf, and cold. You are over her, she thinks she’s over you. However, the next time she sees you talking to someone, the rage comes out in full effect. Shes crying, yelling the weirdest shit ever and the new girl you are talking to doesn’t want to be your ex’s next murder victim. She heads into the witness protection program.  Now you are stuck listening to your ex ramble and as she screams, you only hear the words, “Fuck……Dick….Asshole,” and your mind wonders to a place she did not intend to take you to. Night over, you lose.

Toxic Tom- Toxic tom is your roommate that doesn’t believe in personal hygiene. You and your beautiful date decide to have a romantic evening in. This is put to a halt by the aroma that is vibrating out of Toms room. His disgusting smell has migrated throughout the house. Your date is probably disgusted, and if she’s not she’s probably disgusting herself.

that time of the month- enough said.

Mother Hen- The mother hen is the most commonly encountered cockblock on the face of the earth. The mother hen is found predominantly in bars watching over her group of friends. She is not out to have a good time, she’s out on a mission. That mission is to make sure that none of her friends have a good time. She says things like, “We came together, and We’re leaving together.” There are several methods to disarm the mother hen, most of them involving edible goods. A late night trip to McDonald’s may be all she needs to accept you into the pack.


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