Shes Just Not that into Drunk You

weird

I would like to start this post by saying, that I have been the drunk idiot in this post on a many occasion.

Girls like super drunk dudes at the bar….

 Time is never wasted, when you’re wasted all the time. Though numerous fools are made in the process. Groups of guys all have the same strategy: Get loser-pissed and gain the courage to slur words to women. You are legends…in your own mind. To the rest of the world you are four drunk idiots on a rampage. By the time you and your buddies get to the bar you have all discussed who’s from what town tonight and who’s going to try out their new Australian accent. These ideas were sparked by the alcohol and alcohol only. After entry into the bar, it’s time for Oceans 4 (The clever name you gave your group of friends) to execute. This is where the brilliance in the plan goes to shit. The liquid courage has not made you more smooth, it has made you an idiot.  Though you feel like Vinny Chase, you look more like Turtle, and act like Drama. This definitely has all the makings of a lonely night for you and your compadres.

There are certain places that girls don’t want to meet you. Standing outside the girls washroom is not going to work. Neither does offering to hold a girl’s hair while she vomits, or attempting to aid a girl who is crying about a lost phone. The intense look that you use in the mirror when dressing yourself, does not make you look like a stud at the bar. It makes you look like a serial killer. Going out to the dance floor and surprising women who have never met you, with a hug from behind and rapid hip gyrations probably isn’t the best idea. People usually want to see your face before they feel your half chub on their leg. 

Drunk You is not witty, and she knows it. Just because you have bigger balls doesn’t make you doctor smooth. You are prone to becoming a bigger asshole as the night progresses and caring less and less about your immediate environment. People are funny in this sense, guys start the night off eyeing up the hottest girl at the bar, though as the night ages they continue to drop their standards. This night of failures combined with beer goggles turns you into a cattle wrangler moving closer and closer towards lassoing an end of the night 10. The total disregard for the rest of the world has you now in a corner sucking face with Jabba the hut. Now you can only wait for the facebook pictures to surface that have you dancing around like you think you are usher. Some say a morning of awkwardness is far greater than a evening of lonliness. I have to beg to differ, mainly due to the fact that I think two people should be able to share a queen size bed comfortably. Having to worry about being hungover is enough,  sneaking the 152nd pokemon out of your house without your roommates seeing is just torture….Just to cap it off, She thinks she’s your girlfriend. You are puzzled by this, but it all makes sense. In the midst of you being drunk Casanova you put forward that dating would be an awesome idea. You made your kingsize bed, and now you have to lay in the corner of it.

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